Saturday, October 13, 2012

more troubles from today.

1) had to cancel scheduled rendezvous with my friend :( no Indian food for lunch.

2) work did NOT make me feel the way I wanted it to. Drama with supervisor who won't really talk to me and then will talk to me, just ugh.

3) got on instagram and saw that friend posted picture in hookah bar. Crushed my soul, because she/he knows that I use instagram religiously.

4) Kept thinking about that^ for a long time and the whole bonding stuff and was fighting back tears. Am fighting back tears now.

5) Bleh. Today, I need to cry. I don't want to, but I need to.

6) does it really matter what 6 is supposed to be?

7) I can't talk about getting a promise ring for my boyfriend. HE can talk about getting one for ME, but I can't talk about it, it's "too soon". Made me very upset.

Didn't text him for the rest of the time he was awake. Once he fell asleep I started missing him so I called him (3 times I think.)

I'm still upset.

Very upset.

I don't wanna cry, because I picked today (of all days) to wear mascara.

I just want a close friend who doesn't smoke weed, so we can have that connection. The thing is though, that means that my boyfriend and I won't have that "me and you against the world", it'll be me and my friend. What if boyfriend gets jealous? You know what. Who cares if boyfriend gets jealous. I. Need. To. Be. Able. To. Talk. To. Someone. Who. Gets. Me. Boyfriend gets me on most things, but he is also one of those "it's only once in a while" people. At that point, whether it's the truth or not, I classify it as an excuse. Ex crush said "only once in a while" and then became guilty and admitted to smoking almost every day or at least every weekend. I just bleh. it's 1:59AM. Idk if I mean what I'm saying or if I'm just upset and want an outlet to unload on.. but I feel slightly better. Slightly. I still have a good cry building up in me. Think I'm gonna try to trick it into becoming a laugh. To adventure time I go!

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