Happier

It's so nice having a boyfriend that's as attentive as Stirling is. He's really amazing because he can tell when I'm upset and he isn't freaked out by it. He's really good with my emotions and with my physical distress. He gives me lots of massages whenever I need them, and even when I don't.

Here's the story: we went to the beach and sat down in the sand with our subway sandwiches. We dug a hole for the bonfire and put the newspaper, pinecones, and wood in the hole. I wrapped myself in the blanket that I made and snuggle close to him while he watched the sunset. Once the sun was looking like it was going to set soon, I grab the bag of gifts that I made him. I made him a poster with the pictures from when we went to the Monterey Bay aquarium, a blue and green art piece that I made, a blue heart that I crocheted, and a Cthulhu mug (because he loves everything Cthulhu).

I did everything I meant to do except it took me a long time to sing to him. I have the perfect song picked out; The way I am by Ingrid Michaelson. I have been practicing in for about a week before hand but once it was time to sing, I was really nervous. Interesting because I haven't been nervous in a very long time. But I was nervous to sing to him. It took me a long time to summon up the courage, but finally well if you're watching the fire on their very cold night on Carmel beach, I sang to him and I think he liked it.

On the way home, we stopped at a Safeway and he picked up some Smirnov ices that we drink at his place while we watch the Princess bride. Then we went to sleep and I had to wake up and go to work the next morning. That was the most perfect day that I've ever had with just one other person. It'll be hard to top that day ever again.

I really like that I make him so happy just by being me. He doesn't want me to change, he doesn't want me to be less myself. He's completely happy with me being anything really. And I really like spending time with him. He is probably the most considerate person I've ever met, massaging my hands, my back, my neck… whenever it looks like I might be in physical pain, he's there to help me out.

But perhaps the best thing about Stir Fry is that we can have respectful intellectual arguments about anything. We often talk about women who call themselves feminists that aren't, because that particularly upset him, but whenever we argue we do it from a place of respect. I hadn't gotten that from a romantic partner before him.

In other news, I am indeed going to London over the summer. I just turned in my application for the scholarship today, and will see if I get it! Despite everything shitty that's been happening in the past couple months, I'm really glad that I didn't have to slow down my life too much for it. Although I miss my nephew and my sister is now in a ward, I am still going forward with everything I plan to do. And I am proud of me for that because that proves to me that I am a strong person.

What I've been trying to do is see the beauty in life especially after my nephew was murdered. Even while we were in North Carolina, I found beauty in the bowl that I made for my mother, the throw that I made for myself and the second that I made for my parents. Now I find beauty in the sky, the wind in the trees, the hearts that I crochet, the art that I do, in life itself. It's a difficult thing to go through, but I have such a great network with my parents, Stir Fry, and my very strong will. I've never been the type of person to close my heart for any reason, and I won't start now.