Ouch

I texted Patrick today and he felt the need to reiterate that he doesn't want a relationship, and that he hopes he's not leading me on. I knew that already, I said that maybe in the future we could be together. He replied by saying he didn't know where he'd be in the future, could be Hawaii or Portland, Oregon. Weird thing to say to me.

Why introduce me as his girlfriend at all? Why introduce me to Baba and Melanie and speak about me as if we're dating?

I'm frustrated because I feel thrown aside. He 'misses me too' and 'likes and respects me' but is basically saying there won't be room in his life for me.

I don't know. Why write me that beautiful poem? "This spark will always be," was the last line. I feel that's untrue now.

I feel hurt and I'm not sure why I'm surprised. I always put too much into people and don't get enough back. It's just that... This time it felt like I was getting as much as I was giving.

Now I know, I can't trust myself when there's a guy involved. I can't be less me but I suppose I could take it slowly with whoever the next person is.

I'm heading to my neighbor's house. I really need to be surrounded by friends.