When I was with Patrick for those two weeks, I'd just smile at myself in the mirror. It was silly, I think, but I felt just so happy being with him. I don't do that anymore.
People look at me and stare at the hair on my face, under my chin, between my breasts and I feel self-conscious. It takes a lot to go out knowing people will look twice once they notice.
Being with Patrick was so great because he is very comfortable with himself and who he is. He likes who he is and he makes sure to love himself first, so he doesn't feel emasculated by me in any way.
Once again, I was forced to face the fact that Patrick is one of a kind, and that I will not find another like him no matter how hard I look.
Today I looked in the mirror and almost cried. It's probably my hormones, now that I think about it, seeing as how I almost cried watching The Office (an episode that wouldn't normally get to me).
So this may be a temporary feeling but right now it's real to me. I spend too much time looking in the mirror, judging myself based on societal standards. I don't want to waste time like that every day.
This feeling will go away tomorrow. I've gotten to the point were I feel comfortable showing off my hairy legs, no problem. My face is usually no problem. My underarms, chest, and stomach, however, depend on the day. But mostly I cover them up.
Yesterday at Big Sur, I forgot about everything and just had a greattime with nature. I'm going to try to do that from now on, to busy myself with happy things so that I'll stop focusing on myself so much.
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