EVERYTHING ELSE.

I'm planning to transfer to CSU Monterey Bay after De Anza. Major in Human Communications, then the 1-year credential program after that... And uhh.. That's my plan. I also want to do more arts and crafts in my free time, but I've been so lazy lately. I think I'm gonna try to run or something when I can. Or bellydance or do some brazilian butt exercises, something. I need to get into the habit of like... Working out lol. Diabetes, high blood pressure and I think migraines run in my family? So I'm thinking a daily workout and lots of Metric could help with that. I also think I need a new iPod for my music. I have one, but I'm not sure where it is, and I keep losing it. I think if I have a different one that's newer I'll take care of it. Nah, maybe not. I need to find my other one lol. I should do that today...

My male cousin who is 4 months younger than me and has a child, tries to convince people that he's an adult and yet he texted me and asked me to comment on a picture saying I think he should date this girl that he likes. So sad. He then commented on my picture not too long ago asking me to give him a shout-out because "he needs some cali friends". So sad. He always says "since I'm an adult now..." blah blah blah but he called me once and asked ME to look for flights from PHL to SJC instead of doing it himself. Not an adult thing to do.

Sometimes I don't like being more mature than other people my age, it annoys me on a daily basis. But now I'm gonna make some super smart college friends, hopefully :D I love hanging out with the people from my Red Cross Club <3 we go out, volunteer, and sometimes eat afterwards. But there's another club called In-N-Out where people just hang out and bring food and shizz :) sounds fun. I can't wait to join it. OH! I was invited to join Phi Theta Kappa academic club! Only 100 students from De Anza get chosen! I'm honored! My mom was a PTK member, too! I'm a chip off the ol' block!

The fuuutuuuuure

Is scary. I'm afraid of what may or may not happen, how things may or may not turn out.. Especially because I'm in a long distance relationship, so a big part of planning my future will involve my boyfriend of 11 months. (Hold your applause until the end, please.) I think I'm pretty set on being a high school teacher and then if that becomes too much, moving on to college; but I do feel I have something to contribute to younger kids. Ugh, that word. Kids. When I was younger, I was sooo set on finding my one true love and getting married and having kids, but now that I'm 18 and in college, I don't even wanna think about it! My older half-sister (who's 5 years older than me) has a kid that she wasn't planning on having. He has to be the cutest little boy I've ever seen! But I guess it hit me that she isn't really financially stable, and now her whole life is going to be about her child... I don't think I'm ready for that. She's not even married either. That sounds like drama if they ever break up. I want to be married before I have any children. But ughh there's that word "married".

I thought I wanted to be married my whole life, and now I'm scared shitless of saying the word. Like it's (supposed to be) a lifetime commitment, and I'm just barely an adult. I have to file taxes for the first time once Great America sends my W2... Before I left to go visit my boyfriend, my mom said she'd be okay if I came back engaged. When I told his mom that, she asked if I was pregnant!! I'm feeling really uneasy about.. I guess how ready my mom is for me to be married... I mean it's great that she approves of my boyfriend but I'm waaay to young to be thinking about getting married or being pregnant. I don't know how to live with someone. I don't know how to be a wife, I don't know how to be a mother and I don't wanna have to think about it for about the next seven years. In 5 years I'll have my teaching credential. Two years after that I'll (hopefully) have had a job for at least a year.. I think by then, I'll be okay talking about marry-preggy-future stuff. Right now, I'm so not ready. I put a ring on my amazon wish list because it's my birthstone... I think I might delete it from my wish list and just buy it for myself... I just got really sad and stuff, I don't even know why...

So this guy won't stop talking to me.

I don't know if it matters what he looks like, but I'll describe him anyway. He's a medium-height Asian guy with reeeally bad teeth. You know how in cartoons, the character tries to bite down on something and breaks all their teeth in half? Yeah. That shouldn't matter, but it makes it difficult to focus on his eyes when he talks. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so pessimistic/racist about life, I might enjoy talking to him. But I don't. The first time I talked to him, he was really racist towards Mexican specifically. He was saying how Mexicans are drunks, loud and annoying; and I told him how that's not specific to any race, it's basically every teenager alive today. He admitted it, even. Then a guy walked by with a septum piercing and cruella devil-dyed hair. He said how scary it looks and how people should have "normal" piercings. That upset me a little. I didn't say that, I said that I like when people get piercings, they're unique; and not everyone wants to be "normal". He said "yeah, that's true..." And then sat there quietly. I really need to sit in a different spot. It's hard trying to state my opinion without screaming "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" every time. It shouldn't be, but sometimes it is.

What I look like right now, if you care

I can't be normal. It's just.. unnatural.