Independence?

My mom influences so much of my beliefs that she also indirectly influences my behaviors. There's nothing wrong with this per se, but as an adult I want to influence my own behaviors and decisions.

At some point I'll need to live my life the way I want to, not the way she wants. She's not an overbearing parent, though. In fact, I'd call her a supermom. She just wants very specific things for me, like a stable job. While there's nothing wrong with that, I feel as though she is uncomfortable with the idea of me being a starving artist (because she knows I love food, pun intended). She frequently tells me how beneficial it would be for me to marry someone with a lot of money so that I can do what I want and be secure.

I don't want to find security in another person, that's not what being an adult is. I want to find security in myself and learn to have faith in myself, because that's what's important to me. Fing taxes I'm listed as "Dependent" on my parents, because they provide what I need to survive. I despise everything about having to rely on someone else in every way. I don't want to live like a child my entire life, there's so much to do and experience and I cannot live my life with someone else's voice playing in my head.

After I finish my Bachelor's at CSU Monterey Bay, I want to join the Peace Corps. My mother didn't plan this for me but was supportive nontheless. I suppose when I return she'll want me to search for a nine-to-five job to bring myself some kind of security. Maybe that's not for me, though. Maybe I can make it as an artist once I have some training under my belt. And maybe not, maybe I'll get a Master's in something completely different. Who knows, really?

No one knows. But I do know this: I'm sick of living a child's life. I'm hoping that I can find employment for the summer so that I can begin to pay back the money I owe my mother and start paying for some things myself. My mom told me that as a kid, as soon as I had money I would try to pay for things instead of letting her do it. I've wanted to be self-sufficient for a long time. I was while working at Great America. Because I saved my money so well I frequently had at least $1,000 in my account.

This helped because I could pay for things like gas, groceries, my own clothes, etc. However, that was also possible because my parents pre-paid more than half of my rent for the three months I was living in an apartment with one of my dad's friends.

I can't wait for the day I influence and support myself. Until then, I guess I'll have to try to see past others' opinions and act on my own.