Math homework

Is almost fun now. I see fractions and don't freak out. I can now add, subtract and divide fractions, polynomials, polynomials divided by binomials, I can do it! Math homework is fun, I feel like my brain works twice as well now!

Mahluv

My boyfriend said to me "I can't wait to fly to you. You're worth every second and I can't wait to show you that. " how amazing is he?! I swear, I am the luckiest girl in the world, even though that's so cliché to say, it's how I feel.

He is so good to me! Before now, I've never been in a functional relationship. This is the first boyfriend that my mom approves of completely :) a little too much, which is slightly unsettling, but I'm glad that she approves of him at all. Finally, I'm with someone I actually have a future with!

I can't wait to see him again. The time we spent together has been the best of my life. He said it felt like I had always been there, that it was right for me to be there, and he was correct.

It felt like we drive to pick his mom up every day, come home and watch TBBT, then snuggle and sleep. I have never been in a more perfect relationship than this. Every time I see a shooting star or it's 11:11pm, I wish for the same thing. I'll tell you what it is after it comes true.

A haiku for my boyfriend

Magnificent love

All of my heart for you dear

One and only love

L'amour de ma vie

Moi

Je porte les vêtements de mon petit-ami. I'm wearing my boyfriend's clothes.

Pygmy goats

I just want to read

It's too noisy in this apartment. My sister is watching Futurama on her laptop and my mom has a movie on in the other room, I can hear it through the walls. That's how loud she has it. I can hear the people on TV whisper. This technology time makes me a little sad. I miss things like camping, when we'd go for Bout a week. We didn't care about cell phones back then. We had fun with dirt, barbies, sticks, nature in general. Nowadays, people can't seem to live without entertainment via technology and social networking. The one time I want to read, there's too much noise. It makes me a little sad.

I'm getting more than I thought

Out of my relationship. Today I woke up and looked at my face again. To my surprise, I saw the same, smooth, caramely goodness I saw yesterday. I feel more confident in myself. In my clothes, my hair, in my bones. Even though skies are cloudy, I feel like sunshine; inside and out.

Today I looked in the mirror.

I saw my textured caramel face, the curly jet black hairs growing out of the sides of my face in front of my ears. I looked on and over, then pulled my hair up taut and held it there for a second, then I let it fall. My dreadlocks fell from my hands delicately, framing my big oval face, well... beautifully. I had to keep from smiling at myself! That has never happened before in the history of me.

I think today, I finally saw what my boyfriend sees in me. I feel desirable. For the first REAL time in my life, because someone desires me. Someone wants to have me with them for always. People have told me I'm beautiful before, but my boyfriend exemplifies it. He'll stare at me indefinitely, for what seems like hours. Just smiling, admiring. That unprovoked attention is what makes me believe him. It's as if a light bulb flashed on in the space above his head, and in this quick second he decides to admire the work of art that is his parter.

I see all of this in his eyes. It's too much for me to handle. I often look away, unable to describe why. Suddenly I feel hot, embarrassed, my head becomes itchy. He smiles wider and my heart beats out of my chest and up into my throat, disabling my speech. The words that I can squeeze out are formed into short sentences, trying to make him stop yet subconsciously urging him to continue.

This wasn't supposed to be a love letter. My life is no fairy tale, nor is my relationship. I don't have Disney's version of love, I am creating my own. We argue over THE DUMBEST possible things. He laughs as he notices when I accidentally hit myself in the face. We misunderstand each other and compromise. Things that seem perfectly clear to me don't register in his brain, I explain them in different words, different ways. We have the same opinions, but different ways of expressing them, it seems as though he's playing the devil's advocate when he's only agreeing with me. Some things I can't handle. Some things he will never tell me. Sometimes we will both tweet and post livid comments because we know the other will read them. We share the deepest emotions together. He feels about me the way no other has felt before, and with him I know I am loved. Salty solution builds in my eyes as I type. Not because I am sad, but because I am touched by my own words and my ability to, finally, express in some way how deeply I feel for my partner. Yesterday, January 24th, 2013 was our 11 month anniversary. "We've come so far, yet this is only the beginning." -lyrics to a song whose name I don't know.

I love thinkgeek.com and amazon.com

It's the wish lists. I don't know why, but I love having wish lists. Just thinking about the awesome things I could do with the stuff. A camera lens mug?! HOW AWESOME IS THAT? And there's stuff from Portal 2 on there. I FUCKING LOVE PORTAL 2. It's January 2013 and I still haven't beat it yet, but it's fucking awesome. I love it. Amazon has POUCHES that look like FOOD! MIND BLOWN. I want those.

I'm the bad guy?

For thinking ahead and planning my lifestyle around a goat. People have to do the same for dogs, I don't think my boyfriend understands that he won't ever have to take care of it or buy things for it, because it will be my pet and so other than seeing it every now and then, it will have the tiniest part in his life, he really just doesn't want me to have a barnyard animal.

The thing about this is that I'm wiling to compromise and he isn't. I guess I'll just stop trying to compromise with him from now on.

My mom always told me that when people are in relationships, sometimes they lose their individuality; well my boyfriend told me that he used to be annoyed at how chipper I am 80% of the time, he'd prefer that I be boring and stand still. He doesn't want me to have a goat as a pet, travel with it or anything. Well I refuse to lose my individuality on this relationship. I'm going to get whatever pet I would like and if he can't deal with that, he can live by himself.

My mother would write poetry when she felt extreme emotion. I can't. All I can do is savor the emotions I feel while they last, so that I don't have to feel them for a while.

I'm living alone for the rest of my life.

Because my boyfriend "isn't going to live somewhere with a goat". I did research and decided to get a Pygmy goat. They don't bite and are easy to handle, great for small children, full of energy, they are personally entertaining to me, and so damn cute. They eat hay and leaves and things like that, plus Pygmy goat females produce desirable milk. I don't think I'd like.. Drink it... Maybe sell it.. Or make goat cheese with it <3 I love goat cheese.

KEANA.

Number 1: STOP CALLING YOUR POETRY CRAP. You write the best poetry I've ever read! Number 2: YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT, SEXY, CREATIVE AND ARTISTIC YOUNG LADY, AND HOW DARE YOU THINK OTHERWISE! Number 3: Your family is wrong to try to restrict you from life. DEFY THEM! Number 4: You and your boyfriend are soooooooooooOOOOOOOOooOOoOOoOoOoOOOOOOOoooo CUTE! Number 5: YOU NEED TO TEXT ME WOMAN! Number 6: I love you. Number 7: I get that you've been through some stuff, but we all have and you are still THE MOST accepting person I have ever met, and I mean that from deep within the cockles of my heart. Number 8: Eat some chocolate. Number 9: Try taking a picture of yourself once a week! You are always beautiful, even if you think you're not. Number 10: Life will get better. It always does. Mrs. Hentschke has an awful mom, and she moved away from her and now has a great life teaching kids like you :) Keep your head up, and remember, when you're feeling crappy, call me/text me/facebook me/video chat with me! Keep in touch love <3

EVERYTHING ELSE.

I'm planning to transfer to CSU Monterey Bay after De Anza. Major in Human Communications, then the 1-year credential program after that... And uhh.. That's my plan. I also want to do more arts and crafts in my free time, but I've been so lazy lately. I think I'm gonna try to run or something when I can. Or bellydance or do some brazilian butt exercises, something. I need to get into the habit of like... Working out lol. Diabetes, high blood pressure and I think migraines run in my family? So I'm thinking a daily workout and lots of Metric could help with that. I also think I need a new iPod for my music. I have one, but I'm not sure where it is, and I keep losing it. I think if I have a different one that's newer I'll take care of it. Nah, maybe not. I need to find my other one lol. I should do that today...

My male cousin who is 4 months younger than me and has a child, tries to convince people that he's an adult and yet he texted me and asked me to comment on a picture saying I think he should date this girl that he likes. So sad. He then commented on my picture not too long ago asking me to give him a shout-out because "he needs some cali friends". So sad. He always says "since I'm an adult now..." blah blah blah but he called me once and asked ME to look for flights from PHL to SJC instead of doing it himself. Not an adult thing to do.

Sometimes I don't like being more mature than other people my age, it annoys me on a daily basis. But now I'm gonna make some super smart college friends, hopefully :D I love hanging out with the people from my Red Cross Club <3 we go out, volunteer, and sometimes eat afterwards. But there's another club called In-N-Out where people just hang out and bring food and shizz :) sounds fun. I can't wait to join it. OH! I was invited to join Phi Theta Kappa academic club! Only 100 students from De Anza get chosen! I'm honored! My mom was a PTK member, too! I'm a chip off the ol' block!

The fuuutuuuuure

Is scary. I'm afraid of what may or may not happen, how things may or may not turn out.. Especially because I'm in a long distance relationship, so a big part of planning my future will involve my boyfriend of 11 months. (Hold your applause until the end, please.) I think I'm pretty set on being a high school teacher and then if that becomes too much, moving on to college; but I do feel I have something to contribute to younger kids. Ugh, that word. Kids. When I was younger, I was sooo set on finding my one true love and getting married and having kids, but now that I'm 18 and in college, I don't even wanna think about it! My older half-sister (who's 5 years older than me) has a kid that she wasn't planning on having. He has to be the cutest little boy I've ever seen! But I guess it hit me that she isn't really financially stable, and now her whole life is going to be about her child... I don't think I'm ready for that. She's not even married either. That sounds like drama if they ever break up. I want to be married before I have any children. But ughh there's that word "married".

I thought I wanted to be married my whole life, and now I'm scared shitless of saying the word. Like it's (supposed to be) a lifetime commitment, and I'm just barely an adult. I have to file taxes for the first time once Great America sends my W2... Before I left to go visit my boyfriend, my mom said she'd be okay if I came back engaged. When I told his mom that, she asked if I was pregnant!! I'm feeling really uneasy about.. I guess how ready my mom is for me to be married... I mean it's great that she approves of my boyfriend but I'm waaay to young to be thinking about getting married or being pregnant. I don't know how to live with someone. I don't know how to be a wife, I don't know how to be a mother and I don't wanna have to think about it for about the next seven years. In 5 years I'll have my teaching credential. Two years after that I'll (hopefully) have had a job for at least a year.. I think by then, I'll be okay talking about marry-preggy-future stuff. Right now, I'm so not ready. I put a ring on my amazon wish list because it's my birthstone... I think I might delete it from my wish list and just buy it for myself... I just got really sad and stuff, I don't even know why...

I like my accessories.

Review of Snow White and the Huntsmen

Charlize Theron plays a white Tyra Banks, sucking the life out of all who are prettier than her. Her brother, an adult Draco Malfoy, is scratched by Bella Swan and seeks her out. Emotionless Bella Swan is hunted by Thor, who decides to help her. She meets the Forest Spirit in the wilderness, and then Lady Aboshi shoots the poor creature with an arrow. Bella Swan is killed by white Tyra Banks. Thor is her true love, so when he kisses her, hours after she has died, she comes back to life. She then screams at people, they fight for freedom, she runs up a tower like in The Cat Returns, and then kills screaming white Tyra Banks. Bella Swan is queen, she smiles at Thor, and then the movie ends. You're welcome :)

Oh, right, happy new year.

So my yearlong goals are to be involved with more hobbies. Belly dancing, crocheting, etc., to get an even higher GPA than 3.609, to work out regularly, and to do all this while still making time for who Keana calls, my Hunny Bunch. I also need a job so that when Darrin and I visit each other, I have money to do stuff and buy him the kinds of gifts he likes :) thank you, thinkgeek.com! Actually, I found a lot of stuff that I like on there! Plushies and shirts, the labyrinth, the Dark Crystal, Star Wars, The Big Bang Theory, oh my goodness, geekgasm! It's too much, I can't take it!! ❤

Today.

Was. Amazing. I barely did anything except FaceTime with my boyfriend :) we had a breakfast date, and then I slept a lot... And now I'm awake, and he burned tortillas :P days like this are one in a million💘