It's always been like this. My older sister has always been in trouble and my younger sister has always been the focus of my mother's attention and affection. I'm the one "she doesn't need to worry about".
I think that's why I feel like I don't matter sometimes. I grew up in a family where I didn't get as much attention as the other two siblings, so I don't speak up when something's wrong. When something bothers me or I need help, I try to do it myself rather than inconvenience other people.
Just the curse of being the middle child. I've heard it from other middle children. They're the functional ones. No one really pays the middle child any attention unless something is wrong. They only have liability insurance whereas the other children are fully insured and get regular checkups.
This isn't an excuse. I shouldn't use this reasoning to continue not speaking my mind and not telling people what I'm feeling, but when you're raised getting those subconscious messages, what else can you do but stick with them?
I'm trying really hard to defeat this part of myself, because my problems do matter. I need help sometimes and I need affection as often as other people. I guess that's why I'm always in a relationship. My dad isn't very affectionate and my mom's affection is directed towards my younger sister most of the time.
It makes sense, doesn't it? I think that's why I like Tadpole so much. He makes me laugh and pays me the attention and gives me the affection I don't get from anyone else.
I suppose that's why there's no "perfect person" out there, there are people who are perfect for each of us.
