"What do you want?" "To exist..." (A line from Van Helsing)

Existing is beautiful.

I've heard many people say they don't want to bring a child into this world because it's screwed up. 

But to exist is such a gift!

We get to see the magnificent plants and animals that inhabit this world and enjoy socializing with each other.

Yes there is death, hate, maliciousness in the world.

To me, though, the love, beauty, art, expression and knowledge we've aquired makes it all worthwhile.

We are beautiful.

We are alive!

We smile.

We hurt.

We live and we die.

But the short time we're here, I think, is beautiful.

Blogging from Downtown Long Beach, CA

I've been here for five days now and I love Long Beach. (Surprisingly, there are lots of blacks and latinos here.) I expected Long Beach to be mostly white. I love the weather here. When the sun goes away, so does the heat. When the sun is out, it's beautiful. Palm trees sway lazily in the breeze while homeless people push carts across the street and hipsters bike around, showing off their colorful glasses, strange haircuts and curled mustaches. Down some streets are the cutest vintage shops I've ever seen, delicious restaurants and bike racks worth taking touristy pictures near.

Patrick and I walked around a lot. By the beach, down streets, everywhere. I haven't been exploring by myself just yet. Some parts of Long Beach are isolated (and therefore dangerous) at night. My brain is keeping me from exploring those areas, even in the daytime. Still, I may visit the beach on my own. Look back into the shops I saw. Perhaps buy a vintage dress to take back with me.

Most of my time here has been spent making coiled bowls, actually. They take a ridiculously long time, but I enjoy quiet, lengthy activities.

Patrick and I attract attention when we walk, holding hands. Some stares and angry looks, some smiles and once a thumbs up. Strange how the past affects us even now. It's almost silly how a white male and black female elicit such strong emotion from some by simply walking down the street.

Long Beach is a very plural place. There is night life for those who desire it, also yoga and the beach, stores filled with characters and treasures long forgotten. I've never considered Southern California a place I may want to live, but as of now, I'm officially interested.

Let's play catch up. Readysetgo!

My cousin and Tadpole are gone. I was sad to see them go, but like a band-aid, I didn't want to do it slowly. We went to Wendy's for breakfast (I know. Shut up.) and then we drove back. I kicked both of them out so no tears would be shed.

Tadpole texts me every day since. He really wants to be my boyfriend. If I'd met him before Patrick, there'd be no question! I'd date him in a heartbeat. He's hilarious and awesome, he makes me laugh all day long and he respects my personal space.

But because of what Patrick and I share, I can't put anyone else before him. It sucks for anyone who happens to be interested in me, because they can't be anything more than second best. That's a terrible thing to say, I know, but it's true.

Patrick and I connected immediately on a completely spiritual level, he's the first and only person I can say that about. Not that there's a problem with warming up to people, but Patrick just fits well with me. He also inspires me to be the person I want to be and supports me where I need it most (in addition to everywhere else).

Saturday at 2pm I'll be reunited with him! I cannot wait. I'm gonna take pictures, if I remember. When I'm with him I just enjoy life. I forget about my phone completely and disconnect, it's so nice.

Besides that, this is my last week of camp! I'm so sad. I'd post pictures of my campers, but that is strictly prohibited. However, I do have a lovely quote from a camper. The first day he comes to camp after crying for 30min, he tells my co-worker that 'when he rides his bike it tickles his penis'. You're welcome.

I brought home raffia from camp!! It would've been thrown away otherwise, so I took it. I wove a basket last night, it's so cute!! There are my christmas presents! And I want to crochet some scarves. Who knows if I'll have the time to make both happen though. But I am super excited.

Monterey is happening! I'm packing already, feeeeelin' good! I'm excited, but I have to pack lots of things first. And one of my roommates is moving into our storage space so I have to pack my clothes in easily collapsible containers. No complaints, though. Moving is exciting!

This is the first time I remember moving somewhere of my own choice! I'll be more excited when I get there, though. 

That's about it! Oh, I wore a shirt I hate for team color day. I hate it because it HALF shows my armpits. I've been going full armpit or none at all for a while, so I was frustrated and feeling self-conscious half my armpit being out, strangely.

We ran around a lot today, I'm tired.

All of the crazies!

(From left) my cousin, me, Nelly (back) and Tadpole (front). We had so much fun that day just derping around. The base really sucks, they couldn't wait to get off of it. I get why, we don't want people joining the army to be treated like royalty, but still. Better food would be nice.