Some things about me

I'm a sore loser. When I play monopoly and make a bad decision, I get sad andI don't want to play anymore. I'm very emotional. I'm easily offended. Even if what's being said has nothing to do with my race/ethnicity. I'm offended by racist jokes, no matter who they are intended for. Another thing about me is that I don't like being the butt of the joke, over and over things. Sometimes it takes me years to figure things out that it takes others a few days or even less. I don't appreciate being made fun of repeatedly. I can laugh at myself, but not over and over again about the same thing, and my family holds on to jokes for a while. My mom and other people close to me tell me to "thicken up my skin" so that the world can't hurt me like it does. I see why she'd want her baby girl to be strong, but why can't I just not be emotionally strong? Why can't that be me. Why can't I just be me, and accept the way I am? Everyone tells me that I need to be stronger, but when someone hurts you to the point you're on the verge of tears, it's not easy to be strong. I have tender feelings, and why can't that be okay? I feel like it's an inconvenience for everyone around me, for me to be how I am. Like people worry about me constantly, people close to me want me to change ME. Not a cool feeling. Even typing this, my eyes are tearing. I can't help it. Maybe I wasn't meant to be strong? Maybe I need strong people around me. Why can't that be my story?

I'm doing last-minute college research so I can start applying to colleges on October 1st. Exactly a week from today. I have to find my immunization records, get tested for TB, find my CSSID (which I haven't seen since 7th grade) ask for letters of recommendation, do campus visits, all while kicking myself for not doing all of this earlier. I don't even have a portfolio to show, which means that I need to haul ass on some pieces that demonstrate my ability and a connection to my brain. I though college would help me be less of a slacker, but without my mom I'd be lost right now. I have a list of 16 things I need to do ASAP, and if I don't count the time it'll take for people to get back to me, this stuff may just take a week. I really want to have all this done by October first, but right now, I have homework to do. My own fault, my own solution. I'd better get to it.