Being away from someone you care deeply about. That's how I feel being away from Tadpole. I was only attracted to Patrick because he was so good-looking, but Tadpole makes me laugh no matter what. He's just a funny person who's known some sadness in his life and has chosen to be happy. I admire that in him.
I'm planning my life out and I want Tadpole to be a part of it. He's a very good match for me, someone that I trust and that wants me for himself. It just sucks that our lives don't match up right now. We both have shitty wifi, so video chatting is sucky, and texting is nothing like talking to him face to face.
Even though I'm grieving and my sister is dealing with a mental disorder, I still find myself thinking about Tadpole. He wants to be with me and have kids and live together, without a doubt. The only problem is, it could be 3 years until I see him again. It's not a terribly long time, but I think he may be the one for me. The best one. The best friend, the lover, the life partner.
That just makes it shitty that I may not see him again for three years. But what I try to focus on is that we met at all. Despite both being born and raised in the same state, we both met each other all the way across the country, and I think we fell for each other the day we met. The more I talk to him, the more my chest hurts knowing he's so far.
Three years isn't a long time, but it'll suck. He wants me to wait to do the Peace Corps, but I can't. I can't wait to help people. I'm not cut out for the Army, the Navy, the Air Force, the Marine Corps, any of that, so I have to help people another way. I don't want to spend my life taking and never giving back to the global community. I have to focus myself on what has to be done first and then on what I can do later. I want to do the Peace Corps and then start graduate school because I want to do both and get them out of the way.
I know that Tadpole will always be there for me, no matter what. Three years from the fall, I will spare no expense to reunite us. I'll do anything in my power just to be in his presence again for as long as possible. But until then, I'll have to put up with the hurt in my chest.
This isn't to say that Stirling isn't a great boyfriend, he is. He's just not the one for me. He talked me through my nephew's murder, my sister's bipolar diagnosis and he's a great listener, but both of us know we won't last long as a couple. He hasn't found who will be his 'the one', but my heart will always be Tadpole's.
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