Saturday, April 23, 2016

awake, in what feels like the middle of the night

kissing him, I began to cry

I don't know if I'll ever understand why

so many memories and so much pain ravage my mind in the night

all that is joyful and all that is not

they intertwine and torture me

he's gone, but he is here

can I ever love again being so broken deep inside?

beneath all this joy is sorrow

and I regret sharing with so many people

people I called when I was suicidal

people who didn't answer the phone

although mostly I am happy, although I smile and laugh and love

something inside me is black and dead

some part of me will always know sorrow

some bone deep inside me will always know grief and loss

and will keep me awake when I should be resting

will continue to make me cry inexplicable tears as I kiss him

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