Some things about me

I'm a sore loser. When I play monopoly and make a bad decision, I get sad andI don't want to play anymore. I'm very emotional. I'm easily offended. Even if what's being said has nothing to do with my race/ethnicity. I'm offended by racist jokes, no matter who they are intended for. Another thing about me is that I don't like being the butt of the joke, over and over things. Sometimes it takes me years to figure things out that it takes others a few days or even less. I don't appreciate being made fun of repeatedly. I can laugh at myself, but not over and over again about the same thing, and my family holds on to jokes for a while. My mom and other people close to me tell me to "thicken up my skin" so that the world can't hurt me like it does. I see why she'd want her baby girl to be strong, but why can't I just not be emotionally strong? Why can't that be me. Why can't I just be me, and accept the way I am? Everyone tells me that I need to be stronger, but when someone hurts you to the point you're on the verge of tears, it's not easy to be strong. I have tender feelings, and why can't that be okay? I feel like it's an inconvenience for everyone around me, for me to be how I am. Like people worry about me constantly, people close to me want me to change ME. Not a cool feeling. Even typing this, my eyes are tearing. I can't help it. Maybe I wasn't meant to be strong? Maybe I need strong people around me. Why can't that be my story?

I'm doing last-minute college research so I can start applying to colleges on October 1st. Exactly a week from today. I have to find my immunization records, get tested for TB, find my CSSID (which I haven't seen since 7th grade) ask for letters of recommendation, do campus visits, all while kicking myself for not doing all of this earlier. I don't even have a portfolio to show, which means that I need to haul ass on some pieces that demonstrate my ability and a connection to my brain. I though college would help me be less of a slacker, but without my mom I'd be lost right now. I have a list of 16 things I need to do ASAP, and if I don't count the time it'll take for people to get back to me, this stuff may just take a week. I really want to have all this done by October first, but right now, I have homework to do. My own fault, my own solution. I'd better get to it.

Great America's Food Service Dept.

Needs to work on their communication and clarification of policies. My boyfriend booked a flight for two weeks to see me months in advance, so I started writing it down on the day off request forms. One of the managers said I'd only requested it off a week in advance, and that a two-week vacation is unacceptable for a supervisor. He also said that I would have to call in sick (8 times, which would get me fired). I took my issue to both of our boss, and he said he would try to see if he could fix it. He didn't. I called our Clerk's office to talk to the supervisor there. I asked her to mark me down as sick for the rest of my vacation. She said that was fine and days went by. Then one of my co-workers told me that "they" want me to call the Clerk's office.

Later I speak to the same supervisor who tells me that we're not allowed to mark people down for more than a day when they call in sick, so I have four 'No Call No Show's which is more than grounds for termination. Had I still enjoyed working with the upper-management at Great America, I might be upset, but they have demonstrated time and time again that some problems will not be fixed anytime soon, so I have no problem leaving. I see why so many people leave theme parks. They hire pretty much everyone who applies and the management is not evaluated (as far as I know). I hope my boss responds to the voicemail I left him with "Unfortunately, we'll have to let you go." I am so excited to leave.

Two weeks with my boyfriend

Made him leaving not so terrible. When I stayed with him for a week, I cried my eyes out for a day and a half. This time tears were shed, I'm not going to lie, but I was able to stop crying. I found myself wanting to make myself cry, which was weird, but I didn't do that either. I listened to music on the way to the apartment and when I got here, I watched a movie and then kept busy. Nine hours later, he's home safely and currently FaceTiming with me. He was here, now he's gone. Damn, I miss that man.

Growing up is hard.

I have a hard time being mature and being sincere. When it comes to relationships, I don't handle things the way I should, even though I've repeatedly handled things the immature way. I have a hard time saying "thank you" sincerely. I always do a weird voice or something of that nature and make it awkward. I've tried to be less seemingly sarcastic, and it doesn't work. Maybe my real problem is with gratitude.

Vacation

It's been three months since my last post, but I have something great to post about: I have the most amazing boyfriend that anyone could ask for. So considerate and sweet, so nice to me, I almost can't take it. Last night he rubbed my feet, again. He's still the only one to have done that. Even though I'm on the rag, he still loves being close to me. I actually cried when I realized that this relationship is the most functional one I've ever been with. My family likes him so far, and unlike previous boy/girlfriends, he's going somewhere in life. I'm not saying he's perfect, but neither am I. We go so well together though! I'm so lucky. I'm not gonna say what I'm thinking, but I am thinkin' it. 

Not many people like happy posts about others, happiness isn't interesting. Drama, despair, death, cheating/sex scandals, THEY are interesting, but I've been waiting months for these two weeks. The last time I saw him was in December 2012, and I do not want to think about when he has to leave. This is only day 2 and I'm already in paradise.

I'm an asshole

Because the sun is shining, but I am not smiling and I don't know why.
"Hey Asshole" by Watsky

There is existence outside Earth.

The Fibonacci sequence happens all throughout nature: flowers, pine cones, pineapple. The belief is that this is the most efficient way to grow and create life within the space provided. This is also seen in spiraling sea shells and our spiraling galaxy.

Pictures from the Andromeda Galaxy, our closest neighbor also follow this Fibonacci spiral. Would that not mean that life exists on each spiraling galaxy in some way, shape or form? Out of the eight planets in our solar system, Earth is crawling with all forms of life, and it is believed that Mars once flowed with lively water that may have helped organisms grow (if the planet weren't so close to the sun). I am certain that in the Andromeda Galaxy, at least one planet has rapidly-growing numbers of prokaryotes inhabiting it.

Math can be fun.

Here in America, we take academic skills for granted. People in other states can locate all 50 states and name their capitals, yet in America only a fraction of people can do the same. Math taught in Russia is far more advanced than those taught at the same level in America. I didn't really value math skills until I passed Math 114 at De Anza with an A. That feeling was the best I've felt about a class in a long time. I couldn't depend on my parents to help me with my math homework, they "aren't good at math". I realized I want to be better for my future children. I don't want them to say "my parents aren't good at math," I want them to say "my parents are annoying, but they've always helped me study my math so that I can grasp it." Math 44 has been awesome so far. The class teaches Mathematics that is aimed towards getting you to think critically about situations, which I can say it has done for me. Today my professor gave us a group question.

The question was, if there are n people in a group, how can you prove that at least two people have the same number of friends within said group? There are two possibilities: one person could have 0 friends, and everyone in the group could have one friend within the group. I came up with this: if you have n people and n-1 numbers of friends, the extra person will have to fit into one of the previous numbers.

Confusing? This might help. If there are four people and three flavors of ice cream (Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry), let's assume person one chooses chocolate, person two chooses vanilla, and person three chooses strawberry. Since there are only 3 choices, person four MUST choose C, V, or S, which means there would have to be at least two people choosing the same flavor.

That's the best I can do. My group mates said it was wrong and refuted it, presented their own ideas. We ended up turning in my answer. After our 30min was up, my professor showed us the answer: My answer. Except he said that you could assume that no one has n-1 friends in common and cross that one out, leaving n-2 boxes and still n people, meaning that at least two people would fit into the category of the same number of friends within the group.

Math is a challenge for some people, but it's worth learning.

How to love yourself

1) Accept yourself.
You can't love yourself if you can't accept your own body and spirit. If you're tall, love that you're tall! If you have small breasts, be grateful that you don't have the unwanted attention and back problems that accompany large breasts. You will feel more love for yourself after you accept how you are not only physically
But mentally and emotionally.

2) Change what you can.
If you are overweight, join a gym. Don't get liposuction, because then you'll have to get a tummy tuck also. The under-the-knife method has to be at least 1,000x more expensive than joining a gym and working off the extra weight yourself.
If you hate your face/body, take a look at some people who were born with cleft lips or those whose faces were burned in fires. Makes you appreciate your own face and skin, doesn't it? Also; people nowadays say that girls who wear makeup are "fake," but this is not true. Sometimes a little mascara, blush and lip gloss will make you feel like a whole new person!
If you don't like your body after drastic changes (like you lost 300 pounds but you still hate your figure) take a moment to research paraplegics and war veterans who don't have one or more of their limbs.

3) Treat yourself!
It's Friday! Put done extra meat on your sandwich. Buy yourself something nice! Get dressed up and go out! If you're not good to yourself, who will be good to you? You can't always count on others to make you feel good. Make yourself feel good!